Category: family

Does birth order really matter? If so, then I may have screwed up my kids. My first husband and I had two sons. Josh is my first born and, with a five-year difference, Sal is my last born.

I remarried when Josh was 10 and Sal was 5. Josh became the second to the youngest of our combined 5 children. Sal remained the last born. Josh’s father remarried twice and added 4 more sons to his family lineage. Josh remains his first born, but Sal is no longer his last born. If birth order matters, maybe they were old enough to have their birth positions mentally established in their psyche?

Steve, my second and forever husband, brought three children to our family. Melissa was his first born and remains the first born. David was the middle child but was bumped up to second to the oldest among our five combined children. Justin, Steve’s last born, became the middle child. Justin immediately embraced the role of big brother to Josh and Sal. Josh would have none of it and hence there was fighting, fist fighting, from the first week of our wedded bliss. Steve and I negotiated a truce and a demarcation zone between them which ended with Josh’s eventual acceptance of Justin around his sophomore year of high school. I don’t think Josh would ever describe himself as “younger brother”, but he acknowledges and loves Melissa, David, and Justin. I call that family, no matter the birth order.

Sal is the one with significant dual roles. He is the last born on my side, but he is sometimes more first born (but not) on his Dad’s side. When the first of the next 4 boys was born, Sal was 10 and Josh was in high school and not around very much. When the first of the next 3 boys was born, Josh was 20 and no longer living with me or his Dad. Sal is the big brother those boys know the most.

As for me, I am the last born with three older siblings. I loved being the youngest and I still love being the youngest because my family always made me feel loved and accepted. I recognize that as a gift many people don’t have. Of course, I have felt rejection, not worthy of love or not wanted, but this was not from my family. Of course, we have hurt each other’s feelings or had moments of meanness or jealousy, but I still knew I was loved, and they would protect me as best they could.

No matter their birth order, I hope all my children, all five of them, feel loved and secure within our family.

All for now with all my love,                                                                                                                   

Ellen

Today is Epiphany, celebrated in the Episcopal, Roman Catholic, and other Christian faiths. Tradition says this 12^th day after Christmas is when the Three Kings, also called the Three Wise Men, visited and claimed infant Jesus to be the Christ child.  This marks the end of the Christmas season.

This day also finds me with my 92 year-old mother as she recuperates from a bad fall that happened while I was in Germany. Since I was already half-way to Florida and school doesn’t start until January 13, Peace Corps permitted me to extend my vacation. My mom fractured 2 vertebrae in her neck and broke her knee cap. These are not life-threatening injuries, but at her age they are life changing.  The goal is for her to return to her apartment in a retirement community, but it will be a long recovery and she will need additional at-home care.

My mom amazes me with her resilience and her independent nature. She wants to return to her two cats, she wants to return to her bridge group, her gin-rummy group, playing Bingo, watching her great grandchildren grow.  This is a set-back, especially after finally recovering from a serious fall in September which resulted in a concussion and stitches, but no broken bones. This year also included the death of her oldest child, my sister, Vickie, back in July.  Such sadness and yet she always recognizes her blessings. She thanks God for the good in her life. She seeks joy.

My mom is not perfect and can drive me crazy. She has always been concerned about my Tom-boy nature and lack of ‘style’. She often wanted to curl my hair, help me with makeup, buy me frilly dresses when I just wanted to put my hair in a pony tail, lipstick was plenty, and nothing frilly for me. You would think after 62 years, she would stop trying, but no. I was meeting a couple old high school friends for dinner the other night. I was leaving mom to go get ready and she said, “Ellen, put some makeup on. Help yourself to mine – you know where it is. Also, why don’t you put on something nice to wear?” I had an epiphany, this is her love language for me.

Happy New Year!

All for now with all my love,

Ellen

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It is the eve of Christmas Eve and I am sitting in a studio apartment outside of Munich, Germany. Pinch me, I will celebrate Christmas with family this year! My niece, Andrea, called around Thanksgiving saying she needed to do something different this first Christmas without her mom, my sister, and she wanted to do it with me. I scrambled to meet the 3-week timeline to get permission for international travel from Peace Corps. With that secured, we planned our itinerary with my son, Sal’s help. Sal lived in Germany for 2 different tours while in the Army, so he had great ideas for our ‘last minute’ adventure.

Andrea and I rendezvoused in Frankfurt, rented a car and are now driving around Germany, staying at AirBnBs, seeing Christmas Markets, and learning much about Germany.  Every day has its adventure such as learning how to start our rental car, how to purchase train tickets with all German instructions, finding and using an ATM. We rely heavily on the kindness of strangers, Google translate, and laughter. We are having a great time!

Merry Christmas!

All for now with all my love,

Ellen

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Last Monday was the beginning of a very tough week, ending with my sister’s passing early yesterday morning. Despite the sadness of witnessing Vickie’s decline, it has been a special time of joy and grace as we all cared for Vickie, sharing memories and our love for her. My brother, Eric, came over from Pittsburgh and my other brother, John, brought my Mom up from Florida this week, so along with her own family and friends, Vickie has been surrounded by love. She passed peacefully early in the morning with her two daughters at her side.

While grateful to be here, I am also aware of what I am missing back at my site. I prepared reading assignments, worksheets, textbook activities, and summaries for my learners to continue their studies in my absence. I hope and pray they worked hard since now they are writing (taking) their final exams. I also prepared marksheets for each class so my counterparts can just enter the final exam mark into a spreadsheet and along with other pre-entered assessment marks will automatically calculate the final term mark.

It will be hard to leave my family again, but I am eager to get back to my Namily and my learners. I dedicate the remainder of my Peace Corps service to my sister since she was especially excited and proud of me for pursuing this dream.

All for now with all my love  

My sister, Vickie, has been living with ovarian cancer about 7 years. Mostly she’s had good quality of life, largely due to her faith, positive attitude, and personal strength. I’ve been fortunate to be part of her journey through the ups and downs of cancer treatment – multiple surgeries, rounds of radiation, chemotherapy, immune-therapy. Deciding to serve in the Peace Corps was difficult, knowing I would not be around to support her or her family as this journey continues. She encouraged me to serve, saying it would make her feel guilty and sad if I did not follow my dream due to her circumstances. She always has been, and continues to be, a pure example of selfless love.

She is now on home hospice since her disease is terminal and there are no more treatment options for her. She is very weak, often confused or groggy from the medication that helps keep her comfortable, but her personality still shines through.

Recently, when Vickie was still able to go out, my niece, Andrea, took her to get her nails done. Vickie picked out the color, gave it to the technician and promptly fell asleep during the mani-pedi. The technician noticed it was glitter blue and asked for confirmation from Andrea since it seemed an odd choice. Andrea agreed since her mother had never been that adventurous and picked out a non-glitter blue. As they were walking out, Vickie looked at her nails and said, “Where’s the glitter? This is not what I picked.” Later, when a friend commented on her pretty nails and asked about the color, she sarcastically said, “I don’t know, ask her (pointing to Andrea)”.

In recent days, she can’t walk unassisted, or so we thought. Who knows how or why but Andrea’s husband found Vickie on all fours, a relaxing position for her, on their dog’s bed in the living room when he was leaving for work. Andrea took her back to bed and she had no memory of it. My brother commented later in the day, “Vickie, do you remember taking a little trip last night?” Without missing a beat, Vickie replied, “No, but I hope it was a fun vacation.”

All for now with all my love  

Eric flew home on Wednesday and I miss him dearly. We had so much fun traveling this beautiful country, sharing old memories and making new ones. Once Eric saw golf courses in Swakopmund and Walvis Bay, he started asking folks what it would take for an American to live here permanently. He’s not serious but he’s serious about falling in love with Namibia. He’s telling everyone about the beautiful, diverse country that is Namibia.

While on the coast, we saw the seals at Cape Cross, flamingos at the lagoon in Walvis Bay, Dune 7, the lighthouse and jetty in Swakopmund, and the climax was a 2.5 hour plane ride over the deserts and coast. We also experienced the “four seasons in one day” of Swakopmund. One minute we were layered in long sleeves, jackets, and scarfs with a cool mist on our faces and the next we were sweating in the hot sun.

We visited Spitzkoppe, nicknamed the Matterhorn of Africa, on our way back to Windhoek. It’s outline roughly looks like the Matterhorn in the Alps, but it is not near the original’s height. Still, there is something majestic about mountains amid all these deserts and dry land.

During our travels, I explained to Eric the importance of keeping our RADAR on. This is a PC acronym for Recognize the danger, Assess the situation, Decide what is best for you, Act when the timing is right, Reassess as the situation changes. This is especially true in our capital city of Windhoek where crime has been increasing but this is a good practice for any traveler. It is a good practice for all, anywhere.

Eric had one last adventure on his own. My plan was to return the rental car and wait in the airport with Eric until he took off. However, May 1 is a national holiday and my normal driver was not coming to Windhoek as expected. Eric took me to the B1 hike point heading North. I warned him about the possible chaos of drivers seeking my fare and we needed to pay close attention to my luggage and not get it out until I had negotiated my ride. This all went fine until my driver saw how much luggage I had to fit in his hatchback. I had a duffle back of camping gear and a cooler. Eric’s jaw dropped when he watched them pack and repack until it all fit. Then he watched me drive off with a bunch of strangers with a backpack on my lap and the cooler half on the floor and half between me and another passage.

Eric found his way, without his copilot, to return the car and get his flight. He is back in Pittsburgh, safe and sound, with new stories to share with family and friends.

All for now with all my love  

What a grand week it was with my brother, Eric! We’ve had some interesting  adventures which have provided Eric a broad view of the diversity of Namibia, both its people and its landscape.

Our first full day in country my friend, the matron, was in Windhoek (where Eric arrived) and was determined to meet Eric since it would be the only time our paths would cross while he is here. She tried to direct us to a meeting place where we could follow them back to her nephew’s house in Khomasdal. After multiple phone calls with her and her nephew, all ending in “Stay there, we are coming!”, we finally found each other. She had prepared a wonderful lunch for us, extending such hospitality to my brother.

We had a couple minor incidents that ended well once I included something like this into the conversation, “I work for Peace Corps and currently live in Otjiwarongo, teaching Math and Science at the secondary school. My brother is visiting me all the way from America.” The response would be something like, “Oh, you are helping our children. We can figure something out.” And then one or two asked if Eric would take them to America.

Eric and I had hoped to travel North where the landscape is so different and to visit other PCVs whose service is more rural and traditional than mine. Since school is on break, most PCVs were traveling so we changed our route. Etosha was the furthest North we traveled and then we traveled West through Brandberg and over to the Skeleton Coast and South to Swakopmund.

While in Etosha we saw volunteer Maggie W and Casey with their families. Eric was finally able to meet a couple other PCVs and get a feel for my Namily. However, we hit the jackpot once in Swakopmund. We caught up with five PCVs from my group 48 for a Thai dinner and the following morning we saw all those and more at the pastry shop. We shopped, cooked dinner and hung out with them so Eric got the full Namily effect. He thanked them for taking such good care of me.

All for now with all my love  

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My brother, Eric, arrives in Windhoek on Easter Sunday. I am so excited to see him, to see more of this country with him and to share some of my life as a Peace Corps Volunteer with him.

I’ve mentioned before that I have a sister and two brothers. I am the youngest of the four and I always felt like it was the best of sibling order. Yes, I got teased and bossed around, but I was also doted on and always felt the love.

One of my favorite memories of Eric is of him walking me to my 1^st grade class every morning. My teacher, an ancient nun, terrified me and I was convinced she was the oldest, meanest creature on the face of the Earth. She wasn’t but that’s another story. Eric would then meet me at the flagpole during recess. Once I started making friends, he would just let me know he was watching and encourage me to keep playing.

Later, when I was in high school and he was home from college, sometimes he would take me to the drive-in for those marathon events such as  “Planet of the Apes” and its sequels. He always made me feel special even when he would change the channel without asking or tickle me or give me a charlie horse.

I am looking forward to making more memories with him in Namibia.

I’ve included some pictures from this week’s Camp GLOW (Girls and Boys Leading Our World). This is a Peace Corps sponsored camp for learners age 12-17 to learn and practice leadership skills. I was an observer and ‘go-fer’ to prepare for next year when our group48 will be responsible for facilitating the camps. I also included a picture of a Peace Corps slumber party at my place with PCVs meeting up in my town on their way to vacationing up North.

All for now with all my love  

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