I have the place to myself this week. Ester and the baby went to visit friends in Windhoek and Martha went up North to be with family. I realized this is the first time in 4 months that I have been alone for more than several hours and I am loving it. My housemates are great, it is more about just not having to consider anyone else for a while. I can crank the music up and dance like no one is watching… because no one is watching.
I have lists of all the reading and prep work I would do this week for teaching. My teaching schedule was updated to include 8&9 grade Physical Science, 8 grade Computer Studies, and 11 grade Mathematics. I have 4 sets of lesson plans. I am happy with the changes, but it means a lot more work. I reviewed all the syllabi and confirmed or updated some schemes of work and weekly planners, but I was mostly sidetracked with thoughts of Christmas.
I have been following a Celtic Advent Calendar (http: contemplativecottage.com), using my sweet little manger scene given to me by dear friend, Anna, long ago. Now I needed more Christmas cheer. Following ideas from a craft book I checked out from our town library, I got to work on dough ornaments. I also made paper snowflakes, yarn hats, and fabric candy canes. I painted a dried branch and made my Christmas tree. I am happy. I made enough to give some as presents so I feel good about that too.
I feel Steve with me because he loved the Christmas season so much. I am grateful for so much in my life that it feels shameful to ever feel sorry for myself. But I do feel sorry for myself because I miss Steve. Will anyone ever know me as well as Steve did? Will anyone ever care for me and make me laugh as much as Steve did? Will anyone ever want to just sit quietly with me and hold my hand? I am so grateful to have had him but sometimes I feel sorry for myself to not have him anymore.
Life goes on. I have much joy in my life. I enjoyed being inspired to bring Christmas cheer into my new home. I enjoyed sharing crafts with new friends and showing them how to make some.
All for now with all my love
Where's GranEllen? 
Ha, Ellen. You think no is watching? I am watching you with visions of sugarplums dancing. I can only imagineð¤
Sent from my iPhone
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Hi Jo, I hope you are doing well. Merry Christmas!
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Hi Ellen. Grief comes in waves and you are surfing them the very best you can. Who wouldn’t miss such a lovely partnership? Steve was lucky to have you too. I believe in angels. He is close to you sending you love and blessings. Dance girl. Merry Christmas.
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I believe in angels too. Thank you, new friend.
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Ellen, your faith is inspirational, your crafts should be the envy of any Christmas edition magazine, your Christmas tree is beautiful and your grief, (while it makes you feel isolated), for those who love you and loved Steve, is shared, although in different ways than the grief you feel. The children at your school are very fortunate to have you. They are not “lucky”, because your being there didn’t just happen. It took a plan and a will to follow that plan.
Merry Christmas, sweet friend. Van and I are praying for you!
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You always make me feel special. Thank you, friend, and thank your old man too!
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That angel is beautiful! As are all your ornaments. Homemade are the best and I would imagine yours feel especially precious right now. How lovely to have time to make them and to dance and be grateful . . . Randy and I and the kids always watched you and Steve with such respect and awe. We all felt how well you loved each other—just to watch you sit in and pray in the pews together was something.
What a year you will have with your new, dear students. You are such an inspiration, Ellen.
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Hi Alana, it really was nice to have the time, and to take the time for myself, to be creative. Steve would like it too! Merry Christmas and send my love to your sweet family.
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I love your tree and especially the little matchbox nativity. You were smart to bring that with you! You deserve to feel sorry for yourself. Steve was such a great guy which you know a lot better than I. I wonder if you will get to sing any Christmas carols this season. We had our Advent Lessons and Carols yesterday and it really got me in the Christmas spirit!
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